Why Me?

Why me, if all you see is negative?

You say you love me, but how is that possible when all you ever seem to do is judge me?

If I’m so bad how are you around me?

You say “but I chose you, She made me happy and instead I chose you”.

WOW you sure know how to make a girl feel special.

I’ll tell you what don’t worry yourself anymore.

You don’t have to talk yourself into loving me.

Go back to the one that you say made you oh so happy.

I’ve decided to choose myself.

The love I have for me is a priority not an option

No doubts, no fears, I take me as I am!

I never have to question why when it comes to the love I hold inside

For me myself and I.

So instead of asking WHY ME, now I’ll say WHY YOU?

Freckles © 2011

Questions.....

Do you know what makes me laugh? How about what makes me cry?

If i say YEAH I'm OK can you tell when it's a lie?

If we don't talk for days or maybe weeks at a time,

When we pick the phone back up again does everything fall in line?

Can i tell you all my secrets? Do you trust me enough to tell me yours?

Or should i keep what happens to me behind my locked closed doors?

If I let you in my heart do you promise to handle with care,

I've had my share of so called "friends" who left it feeling bare.



Relationships are hard no matter what the kind

Take the time to make it work and you should be just fine.

Just remember that I'll give to you the things you give to me.

So when i feel like i know you, I pray that you know me!!!

Freckles © 2011

I remember me.....

Far to often we get so caught up in what others think of us. What will make others pleased with us that we forget to remember us! there comes a point in life when you have to say to hell with everyone else. If you don't like me for who i am then you don't need to be around me. Trying to please the world is not realistic. Whats realistic is accepting YOU for YOU and letting the others fall into place. I myself am tired of trying to please EVERYONE and they MAMA, all while I'm lost somewhere in the back trying to figure out HOW THE FU@K DID I GET HERE? When did i become THAT GIRL!!! My epiphanies come at the most odd of times and in the craziest of situations but ill take them how i can get them. If anyone can not accept Ki for Ki and just KI then to hell with them. I'm done with making everyone else happy while I'm sinking into a deeper hole in the background. Today start i start anew, today I REMEMBER ME and to hell with what anyone thinks! Freckles © 2011

Let's catch up!

So as you can see my once a week goal went out the window months ago! I got so wrapped up into my crazy life that I just kept all my thoughts inside.
So here's a little update! The big one turned 13 and she’s just as moody if not more moody than before. My middle child my sunshine is well she is trying me every chance she gets. I think that whole middle child syndrome is begging to really surface! She’s doing things these days just to test the waters. My son that little man is something else. He's getting bigger and bigger every day and he continues to amaze me daily!

Myself I am as stressed as ever but what's new, I'm always stressed!! I am learning how to let things go, it’s really hard for me to do that. I hate the unknown, I don’t like surprises and I have a hard time taking things for face value. I always think there is a hidden agenda and I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am truly a work in progress because these things about myself I KNOW are not good!!! All I can say is bare with me, he’s not through with me yet!

Fight or Flight

"Anything worth having is worth fighting for" exactly how long and how hard are you supposed to fight? When is enough, enough? Do we as people not know when to just throw in the towel and walk away? And why is it that we can't walk away? Are the opinions and judgments of others that important?

Why is it that we let what others think about us determine what we do with our lives? I myself have been guilty of this! I have worried "what will they say if I?" and made a choice based on what I thought others expected of me. That’s no way to live, really it’s not. If you go through life living your life the way others want you to live it, you are NOT really living now are you.

I say all this to say I have and am still learning to recognize and know when it’s time to end the fight and accept defeat or better yet claim VICTORY!

Strange how things happen!

I was sitting here the other day thinking how i have these ideas for blogs but never write them. Sometimes i feel like its just a waste of my time. So today i downloaded Chrisette Michelle's Latest CD and heard the song If nobody sang along and i was reminded that i have a voice and i should make it heard. So here's my goal for 2011, be it read or not i am going to try and do a blog once a week at the least. I have a lot to say and even if no one ever hears/sees it getting it off my chest is a good thing!!

anywho here are the lyrics and the song that gave me my "epiphany" tee hee hee!!



IF NOBODY SANG ALONG

"If there were no record labels
No radios or TVs
No magazines, no MTV
No channel to see

Would I even tell my story?
Would I even sing my song?
If nobody sang along
Would I take the time to write it?
Would I say what's on my mind?
If nobody sang along

Who's all this for?
Is it my song or yours?
Am I the superstar or are you?
I feel so challenged
Like I'm on trial
But if you aren't around, would I gotta tell the truth?


Would I even tell my story?
Would I even sing my song?
If nobody sang along
Would I take the time to write it?
Would I say what's on my mind?
If nobody sang along

Baby I like being played on the radio
Baby i like being just like the other girls
Baby i wish i was in more media
Maybe i need to just say what i wanna say

Maybe I should tell my story
Maybe I should sing my song
And somebody just might sing along
Maybe if I only write it
And just say what's on my mind
I'd be all over your TV screen
The radio would play what I believe
If I just say whats inside of me
I might set somebody free
If I just be me
Me"


Luv
Freckles!!

Even though I try I can't let go, or can I?

Can you ever trust someone 100%? I’ve been known to say I don’t trust anyone 100% not even my mama!! As I get older I wonder if my caution/paranoia is justified or just plain old crazy!

Is the lack in ability to trust someone an issue within oneself? I ask questions like do I not trust them because I don’t trust myself? Am I so weary of everyone else because of who I am inside? 50 million dollar question. I’d like to think that my friends and family could trust me with any and everything yet and still I don’t give them that same trust! Why is that? How does one break out of the vicious cycle of mistrust? How do I stop one small event from making my mind go across the world and back again with doubt and what ifs and I bet you’re this I bet your that? Can any relationship truly work or survive if there is no true declaration of trust?

How do you get out of your own head/way and let go and move forward? Do you know an easy way to let go? The answer to that question has eluded me for years. I mean sure with time you can let go of things past hurts, past words, just the past in general but you never truly forget and it’s always there somewhere tucked in the back of your mind. The next question that appears is who are you really hurting by holding on to that shit? I mean the person that may be attached to that negativity is probably over it and moved on with their life while you on the other hand are still haunted and held back by what you refuse to let go. Now what’s funny is how I can write that and I know it’s the truth that holding on to bullish and grudges only hurts me, but I still do it. Guess it’s true I’m good at being everybody else’s conscience except my own!! It is always easier said than done when it comes to taking your own advice.

Guess I’ve got a lot more growing to do, and acknowledging that is the first step on the path to bettering myself and my habits. I’m not perfect, I’m no angel, I’m just me!!